Do Your Money Talks feel Confronting or Empowering?
When you have a significant other in your life it’s important to have Money Conversations on a regular basis so you are both working towards a common goal.
It doesn’t matter if you combine your finances or manage your money separately, having aligned Money Goals and healthy Money Conversations is important for the stability of your relationship.
Can you imagine what it would be like if you are an avid saver, religiously follow your Spending Plan giving every dollar a job to do, yet your partner is very frivolous with money, and never seems to have enough money to meet commitments or cover joint living expenses?
It would be quite frustrating, wouldn’t it? Not to mention putting pressure on the relationship.
If you aren’t on the same page with money, having a conversation can feel very confronting and uncomfortable.
It can leave one party feel judgement and resentment creeping in, even if you are the one being responsible with money, with the other maybe saying quite flippantly YOLO (You Only Live Once)!
And if YOU are the one who isn’t quite as empowered with money as your partner, it can leave you feeling inadequate, as if you aren’t good enough, and thus aren’t worthy of that person’s love and approval as you don’t feel you measure up to their expectations of you.
It can become a Self-Worth issue, even though I advocate that your Net Worth doesn’t equal your Self Worth. We can internalise these emotions to tell ourselves that we just don’t measure up.
Be brave and courageous, and start to have that money conversation today.
Take a few minutes beforehand to journal what is important to you when it comes to money so you are prepared if things get a little tense, and you can refer back to your notes to ensure you bring up what’s important to you.
It helps if you have explored your Money Values and can share with your partner what is important to you and why. To one person having Money Values of Freedom and Play might be important however to another, Security, Financial Independence and Safety might be at the top of the list.
Can you see how these could be in conflict with each other?
Your opinions matter, and you deserve to have a voice with how finances are managed in your relationship, especially when it comes to joint living costs, holidays etc.
It could be as simple as reviewing your joint expenses, and agreeing to both put a certain amount into a joint bank account that you both have access to, so any combined expenses are easily met. This way each person is then responsible for how they manage the rest of their money without it impacting the other.
I have clients who do this, as there is quite a high disparity between their incomes. After exploring what was important to each of them, they have an agreement that they jointly meet everyday living costs however one party will cover the cost of any holidays if the other person takes over complete control of arranging it, choosing a location, booking the airfares, accommodation etc as the primary income earner is far too busy to worry about these details yet needs to take regular breaks or will keep working all the time. They have come to a compromise that meets both of their needs.
If it helps, if you feel the conversation getting away from you, it’s okay to use the strategy of saying “I just need 20 minutes” and walking away, to give yourself a chance to take a breath, regain control of your emotions, and your thoughts, so you can go back to the conversations in a calm controlled manner. It’s best to talk about this strategy beforehand, so when you say I need 20 minutes, the other party doesn’t feel like you are walking out on the conversation, and just need to take a few moments to regroup.
Having Money Conversations on a regular basis can take the stress way from having what can feel like difficult or challenging conversations.
If you would like to explore your Money Values, feel free to reach out as I am happy to arrange 1 or 2 sessions for us to explore these together.
Click here: https://calendly.com/shewealth/sw-money-coaching
Your Money Matters 🫶🏻